I once heard that if there was anything you did not like about yourself, you should change it. And for years I couldn't, well I could have but I didn't want to, change it. I was afraid of the rejection that would follow. So, I continued to do what I had been doing all along. I faked it.
Fake it til you make it, I read somewhere... the problem is the only thing I've been making is tears. My pain became so unbearable all I could do was cry. My tears were my sign of weakness. A weakness that no one saw because I only cried when I was alone.
Thoughts of my Grandparents, my backbones, the people I want to be the proudest of me make me cry because although I have made some changes, I have still let them down.
I cry because I'm angry, and I cry because I'm hurting. But, I refuse to dwell on the past any longer because I can't do anything to change it. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I never listen. Why is it so easy to give advice but so hard to take your own?